Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
