just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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