I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Randomize
