I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
