im drinking this country out of the recession.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
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