oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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