You really coming over, don't trick.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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