Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
we're so committed to being not committed
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