escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Randomize
