I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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