I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
