I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Randomize
