Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
