so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
