never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
