Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Randomize
