She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
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