i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
