It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
she peed on how many people?
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
