Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
