Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
