Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
