it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
