I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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