I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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