i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
