Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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