1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
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