literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
