Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Randomize
