if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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