Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
