Just fell off a train. Bad.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
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