I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
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