apparently the secret to your success is patron
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
