I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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