I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
