Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Randomize
