I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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