and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
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