There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
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