Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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