You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Randomize
