I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
