Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
