yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
True strength comes from lack of pants
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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