Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
