The beer is more important than you right now.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
