the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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