I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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