Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Randomize
