Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
A+ Viking dick
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