don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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