I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
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