Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
