Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Randomize
