winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Randomize
