My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
