oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I feel like abortions should bother me more
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
