he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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