He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
