the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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