I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
