if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I said "one day" and that day is not today
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
