sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
she woke up with a sticky ear
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
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so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
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We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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