this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
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